My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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