i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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