I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
