So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
