He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
