when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
