so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
