Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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