he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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