If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
