I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
