She's JV to your varsity
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
