Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
