Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
