just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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