Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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