mondays should just be called national damage control day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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