Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
