I CAN MOONWALK!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
