Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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