you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
