my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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