i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize