Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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