remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
