i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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