I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize