Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
