i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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