We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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