Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize