how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
