how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
