Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
