forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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