Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
