Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
