Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
