2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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