She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
