so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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