actually, I'm a sock model
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
