i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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