well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
