Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
