Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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