She is in my trunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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