Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
