Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
