i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
