it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
