i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
