ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
