ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
