girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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