I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
