I hate all girls vehemently.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
