Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
