Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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