Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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