super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
